Hello human. Here is method to make connection with other humans. See also The Art of Gathering.


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General

  • When was the last time you made a new friend?
  • Don’t attend bad events. Host great events yourself instead. (× create your own meetups (The Mom Test))
    • Hosting parties provides value to all participants.
  • Invite new acquaintances to your party — more value and less pressure than a 1-on-1. “A good excuse.” Meeting someone new, inviting them to your party.
  • Host parties to keep relationships alive. Breathing new life into all your relationships at once in just two hours. “In the time it takes to watch a movie, you can improve your relationships with a room full of people.”
  • Host every six to eight weeks to keep momentum. The biggest benefits will happen when hosting parties frequently.
  • Your network is your social power. “Acquaintances know things you don’t. The more acquaintances you have, the more powerful you are.”
  • Partnered XPs: hosting 2-hour cocktail parties with your roommate (or someone else).

Specific

Logistics

  • Host your 2-hour cocktail party on a Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday night, 19.00-21.00 — evenings when people are most likely to be free. Give a 3-week notice.
    • Decide on the date based on the availability of your core group.
      • “Hey Derek, I’m thinking of hosting a little cocktail party on Wednesday the 8th at 7pm. If I do it, would you come? Can I send you some more info?” (— bump after 2 days, if no response assume no.)
      • “Hi again. I’m trying a new date for my cocktail party. Would Tuesday, June 14, at 7pm work?”
    • Quirky start & end times help people show up on time. 19.07-21.07
  • At home
    • …or somewhere you have control over (a park). “Party, not barty” — bars are loud, transactional (buying drinks instead of offering drinks), with limited leverage on designing the space and separating it from other guests.
    • Hosting at home reveals more of yourself (books, toys, etc.) — more conversation starters.
  • Have a nearby bar recommendation if people are still vibing as you kick them out.

Invite

  • Aim for 15 attendees (so 1.5x-2x more RSVPs) — the first five of which should be your core group.
  • Confirm first with your core group (5x; a maybe is a no) — so you can invite like “My friends and I are getting together on December 8 for my birthday. Do you want to come?”
  • Ask your core group to bring a +1 if you want to grow your guest list. No choice: “bring a friend”, not “invite a friend”.
    • Follow up a few days later on who they’re going to bring.
  • Random friends — the DNA of the 2-hour cocktail party (facilitate unexpected encounters & connections). The only common thread is that everyone knows you.
    • Over time, add more and more occupational diversity, more and more diverse friends — across all age groups.
  • Invite one or two “super-connectors” — people who know a lot of people, e.g. because of their work.
  • No high-stakes invite. No inviting people who intimidate you or whom you want to impress.
  • Invite your local barista. Every new person you meet becomes a potential party invitation.
  • Ask your core group to RSVP on the event page — then everyone else. RSVPs increase likelihood to attend & provide social proof. “Will you do me a favour and click the RSVP?”
  • Invite each guest personally before sending them the RSVP. Make them feel special. Explain motivations as needed (× VFWAP for special guests). “Are you free then? Or can I send you more info?” If yes/maybe: send event page link, ask to RSVP. If no: ask if you can invite them the next time you host an event (add their name to list).
  • Follow up on yes’ses who didn’t RSVP on the event page. “Small reminder: Would you please RSVP here real quick? Only takes a minute and helps me with getting a head count”

Event page

  • Mention nametags & icebreakers — because they’re atypical for parties, so let your guests be prepared.
    • Name the event “Cocktail & Icebreakers party” or similar.
  • State intentions.
    • Example: “I’m hosting a cocktail party! / Super casuel, meet new friends, see old ones, and have a drink on me. / I’ll have name tags, a few bottles of wine, whiskey, vodka and tons of sparkling water. There’ll be chips or light snacks but no formal dinner. / My apartment is on the top floor of a very old building in Greenwich Village. Shoes off when inside please. / It makes me happy to introduce great people and new friends. My favorite part of the night is when we do icebreakres. Have you ever been at a party and wished you could have met even more new, fun, interesting people? Name tags and ice-breakers make it easy to do that. Hope to see you soon!”
  • Pick a fun image.
  • Have an actual event page. (e.g. Partiful)
    • Go through the sign-up process yourself to try it out.

Reminders

  • Reminders persuade guests that your event is special — and increase attendance rate (aiming for ~85%).
  • Send reminders (by mail, via the event page) — to yes’ses and maybe’s:
    • 7 days before
      • Short reminder with logistical info and fun image — also optionally to people you haven’t heard back from.
    • 3 days before — most fragile time
      • Guest bios (— tip the scales)
        • Who?
          • Your core group, and some other guests
          • Bios for at least half the group, with a minimum of 8.
        • Guest bios can include professional and/or personal information. Keep it simple.
        • Ex.: “Rob Simon works as a copywriter. He rides a scoote rand recently rescued a dog. Ask him about yoga or herbal tea!” (“plus a few more guests / and many more”)
        • Explain the reason for guest bios
    • The day of the event
      • Copy of the previous e-mail with updated intro & practical information (at the top).
      • Generate excitement (self-interest, emotions.) “Make your guests believe that your party will be great, and it will be.”
      • “Guest bios, people you’ll meet tonight:”

Day Z

  • Warn neighbours.
  • Declutter. Put stuff that doesn’t need to be on display into temporary containers.
    • Evacuate your bath towel — or people will use it as hand towel. Ew.
    • Make room in fridge for drinks as needed.
  • Take out the trash. Do it ahead of the party, and again during the party if needed.
  • Take in the trash. Small trash can in the restroom.
  • Scented candles in the restroom. At least two toilet paper rolls. Hand soap filled.
  • Label vessels for snacks — surfaces missing vessels or snacks.
  • Be ready ahead of time — for the early guests. (hi Mark)
  • Music on ahead of time.
  • Go through the get-in experience as a guest, from outside your house — note any possible confusion or missing elements.
  • Name tags. (× pop-up rules as levellers (The Art of Gathering)) Written by host on arrival with a non-smearing marker in block letters.
  • Drinks & snacks. (Disposable) cups & sharpies. Away from entrance.
  • Party harmonica (or Rick Astley) for interrupting conversations and bringing people together for ice-breakers. Create new triggers.

Day 9

  • Warm welcome — even to early cats.
  • Give tasks to early cats — some people enjoy that. Welcoming people; serving people drinks & labelling their cup (in reverse order); official photographer (!).
  • First 20 minutes: The Awkward Zone. People trickling in, weird vibe.
  • Icebreakers
    • Do the first ice-breaker with the first 4-5 guests.
      • Name, what you do, +quick question (book/podcast you read recently). 30 seconds. No follow-up questions. Cut short (“10 seconds!”). (Practice out loud ahead of time.)
      • Go first.
      • After the round is complete, give instructions: “Make yourself a drink, talk to someone new. Next ice-breaker in 20 minutes.”
    • Do it standing. more generally, do the whole party standing — facilitates flow.
    • Icebreakers let everyone broadcast to everyone at once. Tremendously facilitate matches. (Just like a 2-hour cocktail party offers more value to a guest than a 1-on-1).
      • Answering the “boring” questions to everyone at once, so you don’t have to answer them to each person.
    • Icebreakers let guests escape conversations.
    • Second ice-breaker at 19.30
      • Same questions as first ice-breaker; but this time with everyone arrived.
    • (Announcement of upcoming group photo & third ice-breaker prompt to prepare, at 20.15)
    • Group photo + Third ice-breaker at 20.20
      • Group photo (selfie) becomes social proof that can be used to promote your next event.
      • Re-state the Why of your icebreakers. “I’m so happy to have you all here. The reason I like to do these icebreakers is that I want you all to meet and talk to more people at my party. Maybe you’ll hear something neat that inspires you to strike up a new conversation.”
      • Name, what you do, +advanced question (best thing you purchased this year / great piece of media you consumed recently / one habit you’re proud of and how you developed it).
    • Last Call at 20.50 — gives 10 minutes for people to leave.
      • “What a great group tonight. I am so happy with how things turned out. It brings me great joy to see so many of my friends talking together. But the time now is 8:50. I said that this party would go until 9:00. I’m going to respect your time because I know it’s a school night, and I want you to come back when I host another party. We’re going to finish up soon. There are about ten minutes left if you want to grab one more drink and say your goodbyes. Thank you for all coming.”
      • (Optional closing circle/cheer.)
      • Start cleaning up and gifting leftovers — signals end.

Day 10

  • Thank You message w/ group pic the next day
    • Include “Can I invite you to the next one?” — gives an easy way for people to reply.

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